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Wednesday, September 18, 2019

The day I stop caring...

It has been a while since I last posted on my blog and I feel sad about it.. there's so much I have to write and so many stories to catch up on, it just seems as though life sometimes happens quicker than we realize and sitting down for a blog entry seems like quite a luxury!
Life has been busy.. the kids started school last month, Iggy's travel schedule has been insane and by the look of my daily agenda, I definitely seem to have too much on my plate.. oh well!
But despite the crazy fact that the days have slipped out of my hands like water, I've had a lot of time to think about myself and the personal relationships that I've invested in throughout the years, especially in recent times and in some particular cases pertaining to family members...
I've always been believer in family and have placed a lot of emphasis in having tight relationships with all my family members...extended family included..
Those who know me are well aware of the fact that I am very passionate and give my all in everything I do.  I pride myself in being rather resourceful and helpful to people around me; I am also extremely loyal and a very reliable friend... My grandma used to say the secret to a happy life was to "never expect anything from anyone" and as much as I agree with her golden rule, sometimes I disappoint myself by doing the exact opposite.. thinking that people will be as invested as me!
I've had many disappointments in life regarding people who I consider my friends or family members that I consider caring and I wonder when will be the day when I stop caring...
I've lived through times when I'm excluded from parent activities, not invited to parties of people I consider close, ignored at public events, disregarded in different ways but I recently had one particular incident with a family member that made me seriously question my persistence to even have a relationship with that person...
I often think people can change, I give the benefit of the doubt, I open my heart and forgive but I'd really like to stop caring for people who don't care for me... I'd love to be more detached and less emotional, more realistic and less naive.. I yearn for the day that I stop caring, the day when people who don't love me can't hurt me anymore...

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

12!

I always end up exhausted (both physically and mentally) once I'm done celebrating the girls' birthdays back to back... it was fun at first.. and even practical...but now it's a bit of a hassle to find ways to make each of them feel unique when their birthdays are literally one after the other..
Today Olivia is turning 12 and for the first time I actually felt some resentment on her part about "almost" having to share the birthday spotlight with her younger sister; it has definitely been a trying year for us because we are all navigating unknown territories that deal with pre-teen mood swings, dominant personalities and a lot of self-discovery. 
Olivia is and always has been a sweet and sensitive girl; she's wise beyond her years and very much in tune with her emotions.  She is a caring daughter and sister and has a clear understanding of respect and dignity.  She's a great student and has a heart of gold, I'm proud of her for so many reasons...but her shiny and grounded personality doesn't make her invulnerable to any of the difficulties of the tween years and we're all definitely learning as we go...I can only hope she continues to be humble and learn from her mistakes.
I feel blessed for having a daughter like Olivia; she supports me in more ways than I can tell and challenges me every day to be the best mother I can be.  She put me in the path of motherhood and has unknowingly set a good precedent for her siblings who look up to her in everything they do. 
Happy 12th birthday Olivia! We love you so much and we'll always be here to support you and cheer you on!
Thank you God, for this wonderful daughter!


Tuesday, July 16, 2019

10!

Well.. I officially have 2 kids in the "double digits"!  ain't that exciting? ha!
I'm in awe of Gaby's personality at the ripe age of 10! She is so strong willed and determined even in her most fragile moments and never ceases to impress me in the most wonderful of ways. 
When Gaby was born, I always doubted my ability to fully love two children; I always questioned myself when she was a baby, always feared she wouldn't shine as bright as her sister did because she came in after...I had so many questions.. all the time..
Being the middle child, I often feel Gaby gets the short end of the stick; she always sacrifices for her older or younger sibling and is rarely ever the protagonist of anything because it's always either Olivia or Oliver stealing the spotlight. But with time she has demonstrated that she needs no spotlight because she shines on her own.  She is the most loving of girls, so authentic and full of life, so witty, analytical, observant, resilient, dedicated, caring and incredibly sensible...she makes me so proud every day and I feel so lucky to be her mother!
I want to wish my sweet Gaby the happiest of birthdays! May you always choose authenticity over anything else and may you always carry that bright light everywhere you go!
We love you so much and can't wait to see you grow into an even more beautiful little lady! 
God Bless You, Gaby!
Happy 10th birthday!!!


Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Welp!... that was a terrible decision!

Even though I never thought we would be invulnerable to the cell phone addiction, I did think I'd be able to have some control over what my daughter did with the phone, over what kind of content she'd access or even the kind of apps she'd be on.
I made the choice of giving Olivia a phone when she was 10 years old; I happened to be switching to a newer device and she begged me to keep my old one so I agreed.  I had swore I'd never give my kids a phone that young but after many stipulated contingencies and warnings, things didn't seem too bad... after all we do live in a world where technology rules everything and many kids her age already had phones so why not! I did not see any immediate harm to her being exposed to having her own phone especially since I'm a big proponent of technology.
The first few months were all fun and games..literally! All she did was play kid games, take cute photos of her and her siblings and text me random "I love you" messages; she'd occasionally call some of her friends or maybe text some family members but it never went beyond that..things went pretty well for a few months so I was satisfied with my decision..
A few months went by and she asked if she could get an Instagram account; at first I didn't agree considering it's an app targeted to 13 and older but considering I'd be closely monitoring her content and since she had been handling her phone pretty well, I agreed to that too with the condition that she opened a private account that would also be on my phone and I was the sole administrator (meaning only I could approve followers). She added our closest family members and even some of my friends and rarely ever posted any pictures.  I specified from the start that no duck-lip selfies were allowed and that all photos and captions were to be approved by me before she even posted them...she complied without much resistance.
About a year into it, I noticed she was staying up way too late playing with her phone and the texting had gotten more and more frequent; she also didn't follow some of the rules I set out for IG use such as the approval of followers.  At that point more of her friends had phones and there were group chats, SnapChat communities, musical apps and a few other things I didn't agree with...I realized then that I might have been a bit too naive in trusting that my 11 year old child would make smart choices regarding a phone.  In an attempt to regain control over her cell phone use and content, I resorted to parental controls; not only did I set strict limits on screen time but I also uninstalled a lot of apps that shouldn't have been on her phone to begin with.  I set up minor iCloud accounts and now all downloads would have to go through me first; I also set her text messages to be delivered to my phone too so I could be in the loop and follow her conversations (this didn't last very long!).

As time went on, I kept noticing that the phone became the center of everything, also the reason for pretty much every problem...her mood swings, her late wake ups, her not so good grades, her failure to finish daily homework, her issues with friends... all of a sudden Olivia became all too concerned about likes and followers and whatever comments people made on her posts.. social media became the death of me (and her!) and she's definitely too young for that...too young to seek validation through a phone, too young to be withdrawn and distracted from our daily life, too young for disrespect, too young for rudeness...
I slowly became a phone police and my whole life revolved around the constant monitoring of Olivia's phone; who texted her, what kind of pictures she took, what kind of comments she was making/getting, etc... it was all too intense!
Aside from everything I've mentioned, I started noticing the content she was being exposed to was way beyond her years; in her Instagram account she followed a slew of celebrities and so called "influencers" who brought nothing positive to the table.  The vulgar content somehow became inevitable and the negative impact of most of what was coming from her phone use inescapable. We reached a point where no parental control was ever enough because most apps are designed to encourage kids to hide stuff or do things that aren't age appropriate and most celebrities, YouTubers, influencers seem to be dedicated to stealing the innocence of their younger audience and I am NOT ok with that...
Two years later I realize I made a terrible decision by giving Olivia a phone at 10 and I wish I could turn back time and think it through a little more.  Kids DO NOT NEED phones, they don't need to be exposed to so much garbage day in and day out, they don't need the distraction and they definitely don't need a tool that encourages dishonesty and a silly need for validation.
Some people would argue that it's a trust issue or maybe a maturity issue and while I do think that plays a role, I think it has more to do with letting the kids be kids for a while longer.
At this point I have uninstalled all most apps from Olivia's phone and I have set stricter screen time limits; she isn't allowed on Instagram, SnapChat, Tik Tok or any other app that would encourage dishonesty or living beyond her years. 
With all that said, I want to point out that while Olivia didn't do anything terribly wrong or shameful with her phone, I realize she isn't mature enough to handle whatever having a phone entails.  I am glad that even though I made a poor decision, I stuck to my guns and continued to monitor her phone use and possibly avoided potentially compromising situations and will continue to do so.
So.. if you're thinking of giving your child a phone, please take into accounts all necessary considerations and never let your guard down!

Thursday, June 13, 2019

A tough school year leaves a bunch of insightful lessons...


School got out a little over a week ago and I'm just getting a few minutes to write a wrap-up entry about one of the toughest years we've had since the kids became school aged children.
With every painful experience usually comes a great lesson and this year was not the exception; the kids and I all went through unpleasant experiences at different times during the school year but thankfully we all came out stronger on the other side and also (hopefully!) wiser too!
Because I don't want this entry to be too convoluted, I will go ahead and organize it child by child...here's my attempt at summarizing the 2018-2019 school year. 

OLIVER
At almost 3 years old Oliver was coming from a very small pre-school and into a bigger school where his sisters already attended. We hesitated a lot about the change because he was still so little at the start of the school year but we did it out of convenience because going around town picking up kids from different schools can be very challenging, especially when the schools follow different calendars and days off rarely coincide. He had a rough couple of weeks but I'd say I had a harder time than he did. 
At first I thought his teacher was super dry and for some reason I got a stand offish vibe from her, I wasn't too sure she could be the loving teacher Oliver needed at the time and don't even get me started on the moms from that class (**insert major eye roll**)...we had a welcome breakfast and I was honestly bracing myself for the worst year as far as friendships went because no one was instantly nice to me.. oh well.. only time would tell...
As the months went by, Oliver's teacher turned out to be the nicest person and such an amazing educator, someone we grew to love and is such a blessing in our lives. We got the great news that she will be his teacher again next year and I can only thank God for such wonderful turn of events...
As for the moms... let's just say I can picture myself forging life long friendships with these sweet ladies and I'm glad I was SO wrong about them and the dynamic that would evolve among us...
By the end of the year Oliver LOVED his new school and made wonderful friends.  I had a great year with the my new mom friends and became very close with his teacher, who will grace us again with her love for our children for another whole year! (yay!)
Moral of the story:  Never judge a book by its cover...and my preschooler turned out to be way more resilient than I ever expected him to be! You made us very proud, Oliver! 

GABY 
Poor Gaby was probably the one who struggled the most during the school year, from ongoing bullying from several classmates to struggling in math, let's just say I wish she could have a 4th grade do-over. 
By the 3rd month of school, I was seriously concerned about Gaby's emotional well being and on several occasions I even considered getting her into therapy of some sort.  Because of the bullies and the rejection she experienced, Gaby became very withdrawn and the only activities she enjoyed were building Legos or reading while locked up in her room; she had several panic attacks between November and February and despite my repeated attempts at mitigating some very bad situations and mediating with the school, at some point I feared that my sweet Gaby would never be the same. 
I had run ins with several moms from the fourth grade when I stood up for Gaby after realizing some of the bullies' behavior came straight from their parents (sad but true!). The school did very little to make things easier and in the end it was time what healed all wounds...and continues to heal them...
Gaby's teachers were incredibly graceful and helpful and despite their limited ability to make a dent in some situations, I am grateful for their efforts, their compassion and their love for my sweet daughter. 
Throughout the school year and despite all the negativity, I decided to focus on the positive and to encourage Gaby to nurture her good qualities and focus on building herself up through personal achievements and goals.  She became a stellar reader and read over 70 books, repeatedly setting and crushing her own reading goals. She slowly came out of her shell and conquered her fears and I was so proud to see her fall and get back up more than once.  She ended the year with few but very solid friendships, excelled in school and became her own person.. Go Gaby!
Moral of the story: When people show their true colors.. believe them! Don't let anyone ever make you doubt yourself and trust that God always has your back!

OLIVIA
Two words: Periods and Boys! Judging by this school year I can probably anticipate that the teenage years will be the death of me. I have posted about this before, how I think dealing with a tween (soon to be teenager) will make me lose some hair and lots of sleep. 
The sixth grade was likely a small prelude of what's to come in Olivia's (and mine) life and let's just say, to my dismay, it wasn't all peachy. 
Although for the most part Olivia is sweet and obedient, sometimes hormones get the best of her and her getting her period early in the school year didn't help the case; there was more eye rolling than I would have expected and slamming the door became a frequent reaction at home.  She did pretty well with grades during the year but somehow managed to get her first B ever in the last quarter, which I blame on too much time on her phone and little time on studying; the fact that some her teachers were less than nice didn't help much either!
And just when I thought I was getting the hang of the "tween thing", a boy gets involved and things just went downhill from there. This said boy managed to nearly destroy Olivia's best friendship since kindergarten, messed with her self confidence and  on occasion turned her into a rude and mean girl; one I didn't know at times and one I hope I never have to know... I believe it's entirely too early for this but what do I know... this is uncharted territory for me!
I certainly hope Olivia can learn from her mistakes and learn the importance of friendship, kindness and "girl code".  There will be a lot of thinking and healing done over the summer!
Moral of the story: Growing up is probably harder on moms than it is on kids...and hormones SUCK! I also learned that ongoing communication is key in a mother-daughter relationship and that I can never ask too many questions to my daughter about her life and her friends...


Despite all the challenges I know we all learned a lot this year. Sometimes growth can be painful but from that pain also come good things and insightful lessons and we all got that too. 
I would be lying if I said I didn't cry a lot this year; some days were hard and some were harder and that made for a tough school year but all in all, I am thankful for the kids' school and all the support I received both from friends and strangers. When things got tough, there was always someone I could count on, whether it was a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with or a place to find encouraging words... 
I am thankful for new and old friends, for the lessons learned, for the tears cried and the shared laughter.  This was a year to remember!


Thursday, May 23, 2019

Movie review: "Aladdin"

Even though many people whine about Disney re-making movies in live action format, I have to admit I am a sucker for those.. and pretty much anything Disney...
Aside from my obvious love for all things Disney, I find a lot of magic in the fact that movies from my childhood are still relevant today and the idea of sharing them with my own children makes it even better!
The remake of Aladdin has been long awaited by many and I was certainly one of those "many" so watching it on its first night was a no brainer!

I will start by saying that my expectations were very high...and even though the casting had been criticized by many during the movie's promotional months, I was determined to make my own judgement... and I'm glad I did!
This remake is VERY faithful to the cartoon version and the way the characters are brought to life by these actors was simply amazing.  Aladdin was just like I imagined he should be and princess Jasmine was beyond beautiful; Will Smith did an incredibly job as Genie as did the rest of the cast, including Jafar who was often criticized by movie critics for not being "scary enough".
The music and special effects were on point too and I was blown away by how perfectly executed the movie was... from the setting, to the music, to the incredible costume design and overall colorfulness of the film.. it was impeccable.
The movie included all original songs and also featured some new songs that are super catchy; the set up of the story was a bit different but not enough to deviate from the original.  I also like that they gave it a modern twist and even the parts that are most "fantasy like" (the actual appearance of Genie, the magic carpet, Jafar's hypnotizing staff, etc) were very realistic in nature. I also thought the pace of the movie was perfect and there was enough action and climax to keep everyone's attention.
I was particularly drawn by the artistic value of the movie and the way in which colors and music were incorporated and tied together, along with other elements such as dance, drama and animation.
I give this film 4 out of 4 stars and wholeheartedly recommend it.  It is a family film that is worth a visit to the movie theater.  We'll definitely be watching it again!

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Spring Break trip Part 3: Stockholm, Sweden

I know my vacation posts are just dragging on and probably boring by now considering it has been almost a month, but for my own sake (remember I plan to print out this blog at some point!), I can't neglect posting about the last city we visited on our Eurotrip 2019... STOCKHOLM!

Even though I didn't have hight expectations, Stockholm really shocked me, it was way more interesting than I thought it would be and out of the places we visited, it was also the one with the most resemblance to American culture. 
Stockholm is an incredibly colorful city, with interesting architecture and very rich and diverse culture; we really enjoyed our time there and made some wonderful memories.
During our time in Stockholm, we spent a lot of time walking the city (by that point, I was a pro walking with my boot) and enjoyed the perfect weather we were blessed with... it was seriously perfect!
I wouldn't categorize Stockholm as an "exciting" city; on the contrary, I found it to be a really laid back and uneventful city, and I say this in the most loving of ways because we really enjoyed our "down time" after being on the go for so many days prior. Its layout is very interesting since it's an archipelago so it makes for great geography and just nice overall. 
Here are some of the highlights of Stockholm:
1. Gamla Stan: cobbled streets and colorful buildings make for one of the most iconic images of the city.  Definitely not to miss!


2. The food: Sweden isn't short on delicious tastes and culinary experiences that will certainly leave a mark!


3. Royal Castle and change of guard: I really enjoyed the art housed in the Royal Castle and seeing the change of guard was such an amazing experience!


4. Colorful architecture: All of the buildings in the city had something special to them.  There was a lot of construction and renovation work going on in the city, which shows how architecture and the city's landscape are always at the forefront


5. The ABBA Museum:  this is one of the most exciting museums I have visited. We aren't huge ABBA fans per se, but this interactive experience was one of the greatest highlights of our visit to Stockholm.  Definitely recommended. 


6. The beautiful nature and multiple parks: the city is riddled with parks and beautiful nature. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom so they made the city even more colorful!


7. Vasa Museum: this museum commemorates the "Vasa", which s a retired Swedish warship built between 1626 and 1628 and salvaged over 300 years later.  It is preserved in this museum and it's definitely very impressive. 


8. Swedish markets: we really enjoyed walking around the multiple Swedish markets all over the city and even shopped for some cute souvenirs. 


Even though we truly enjoyed our time in Stockholm, I'm not sure that it's a place I would go back to, simply because as beautiful as it is, it doesn't necessarily stand out like other cities.. It's a "one and done" kind of city for me, but it was definitely worth a visit!

Monday, May 6, 2019

Spring Break trip Part 2: Poland

In my life I have been very fortunate to be able to travel a lot; I have visited multiple countries, explored multiple cultures and met multiple people along the way...every trip has been a great experience...
However, nothing compares to visiting Poland for the first time...a trip that came a bit too late for my liking considering my best friend of 20+ years (and godmother to my oldest daughter) is originally from Poland; so I feel like I should have visited her native country a long time ago...
But God's timing is always the best timing and I am glad that I got to visit this beautiful country with my whole family instead of in my teenage years.. we made memories that we will forever cherish and every bit of our time there was magical in every sense of the word. 

Our first stop was Poland's capital city of Warsaw, which is a gem of a place made even better by the fact that Martyna was able to join us for this part of our trip.  
Warsaw is an amazingly eclectic city, the perfect mix between classic Europe and noteworthy modern architecture. Even though our walking pace was slower than usual (remember I broke my foot in Copenhagen a few days prior!), we were able to soak in the beauty of Warsaw and visited amazing buildings, incredible parks and delicious restaurants. 
Here are some of my favorites from Warsaw


After a couple of days in Warsaw, we headed to Zakopane, a resort town in southern Poland at the base of the Tatras Mountains, right on the border of Poland and Slovakia; this is the town where Martyna's parents live and where we spent our Easter holiday, soaking in some of Poland's most beautiful religious traditions among other things.  Martyna's parents own an exquisite rental apartment building and were the most wonderful hosts to us.  They showed us around town, took us out to the most famous regional restaurants and even drove us around town to see the favorite tourist spots. 
During our time in Zakopane we visited some of the most intricate churches I have ever seen, ate at the most delicious restaurants we have tried and even hiked (not me!) a mountain and saw snow in one of the most famous peaks of Europe.... it was an incredible trip in such a dreamy place!



Once our wonderful time in Zakopane was over, we headed over to Krakow for a day. Krakow is the second largest city in Poland and it's famous for its well preserved medieval core and Jewish quarter. Krakow is also home to the Divine Mercy Sanctuary and the birthplace of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska, one of the most special saints of the Catholic Church.  Visiting Krakow was the cherry on top of an already amazing trip and it's one place I'd like to visit again and again!
Here are some of my favorite shots from Krakow, which honestly don't do it justice...it was such a beautiful place..pictures can't capture it all.. not even a fraction!


But the magic of the many churches, restaurants, mountains and touristic spots we visited in Poland could never compare to the magic of experiencing all of it with my best friend by my side.  I am so grateful that Martyna took the time to make the trip with us; she was the most wonderful host, guide, translator and company we could ask for and I will forever remember this trip and pray that we can do it again at some point in our lives. 
Thank you, Poland (and Martyna!) for a wonderful time!



Monday, April 29, 2019

Spring Break trip Part 1: Copenhagen, Denmark

To anyone that knows me it's no secret that I find traveling to be incredibly fascinating and fun; not only does it open my eyes to new horizons and different cultures but it also allows for some great family time filled with new experiences all around. 
As much as I like to revisit some of my favorite cities, this year we chose 3 new cities since we wanted to explore destinations we had never visited before...and what a great idea it was!
Our first stop was the city of Copenhagen... the beautiful capital of Denmark...
Copenhagen had been at the top of my list for a while; ever since Olivia completed a school project and got the idea in her mind that she must visit this city, it always remained in the back of my mind so we planned our itinerary around it.
I booked our flights with American Airlines (operated by FinnAir) and each round trip ticket from Miami to Copenhagen cost us $380 (which is an insanely good price for a transatlantic flight).. I subsequently booked other transfers inside Europe (both by plane and train) and spent an extra $1000 for the 5 of us.. (I will talk about this later!)... we really lucked out with air fares this time around. 

Weather wise I will say that this time we enjoyed the best forecast we've ever had in any of our previous trips so this might have had some effect in our perception of this city but I must say that Copenhagen is one of the most beautiful places we have seen.  Its colorful buildings and pristine streets are to die for.  It is a mix of modern and classic architecture in the best possible way and every corner houses some new fascinating spot that is not to miss. 
**On the 2nd day of our trip I fell down a set of stairs and fractured my foot; the injury threatened to put a damper on our plans and almost forced us to return home prematurely, but thanks to some nice Danish doctor and a successful visit to the ER of a random Copenhagen hospital, I was able to get a walking boot and finished our trip even if it meant walking at a slower pace!**
My favorite thing about Copenhagen is the amount of castles and palaces as well as the classic mysticism of the massive churches and museums found practically in every corner of the city.  Food and shopping are a bit pricey but we were able to enjoy ourselves and remain within our budget, even splurging on a nice canal tour and some souvenirs for our loved ones. 

Highlights of Copenhagen include:

Nyhavn: Copenhagen's waterfront, canal and entertainment district which stretches from Kongens Nytorv to the harbor front just south of the Royal Playhouse. One of the most colorful city icons visited by tons and tons of people every day. If you know nothing about Copenhagen, you are guaranteed to at least have seen this picture. 

Rosenborg Castle:  a beautiful renaissance castle originally built as a summerhouse in the year 1606 and a perfect example of Copenhagen's rich architecture. This castle is located on the grounds of "King's Gardens" and it’s surrounded by beautiful nature in an almost idyllic landscape.  

The Little Mermaid: they call her the "most famous woman"of Denmark and that she is!  This beautiful bronze statue depicts a mermaid becoming human and it's displayed on a rock by the waterside.  Although relatively small, it is one of the most popular photo spots for Copenhagen visitors so it was a must see on our itinerary. 

Aside from those 3, I was in awe of Copenhagen's overall beauty.  It is a city rich in nature, art, entertainment, food and much more. We are blessed to have been able to visit such beautiful place and will forever cherish the time spent there.. broken foot an all! :)


Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Kindness matters....

Considering I have only made ONE entry so far this year, it is probably safe to say that 2019 has not been good to my blog. My failed blogger abilities for 2019 can possibly be attributed to multiple factors, including but not limited to, lack of time, lack of motivation, increasing work and school demands and so on...
But here I am.. back at it.. and I want to break my blogging silence by writing about my new favorite word: KINDNESS!
Last year I posted numerous entries about bullying and other unfortunate things that happened at school; I wrote about how the teachers and the school reacted to my mounting concerns and I also brushed on the subject of parenting bullies and mean children. 
Following my initial post about bullying, Gaby received an anonymous note that read "I hate you"; needless to say we were incredibly distraught and even though it was horrible, I decided on a different approach: self defense! I spoke to Gaby about the importance of standing up for herself and we researched ways of self assertion...this seems to have worked better than making complaints to school staff and even to other parents...but still more change is needed. 
Recently a fellow mom posted THIS article, which very clearly states the difference between rude, mean and bullying and I found it to be very insightful (read it if you have a chance!). The article made me think of the undeniable repercussions of not correcting our children in time; repercussions that are incredibly disturbing considering we are shaping the adults of the future...
Which.. speaking of adults...that's where kindness is most needed as evidenced by what happened to my 67 year old dad recently.  See, my dad is a college professor, one of the "good" ones that really gives it all for his students.... A few weeks ago he happened to trip and fall while walking around campus; he ended up on the floor and unable to stand from said fall.  He was appalled to see dozens of people (all adults) who walked by him and completely ignored him; not one person offered to lend a hand or help him stand, no one even asked if he was ok.  My dad very eloquently told me how people were more focused on dodging him or simply just looking at their phones while he (an elder) just sat there, hopelessly waiting for a kind gesture from a stranger... this breaks my heart in a different level... I was speechless to hear this and it still angers me... My dad was eventually able to stand up and wasn't badly hurt, but that isn't the point of the story...
I have been pondering about what can be done to shift our "unkind" culture to something kind and positive.  How can we make sure our kids don't become those adults that would walk past an elderly man on the floor without even seeming concerned?
The answer is simple.. Be Kind. Do Kind. Because kindness matters more than we know; our kids are watching, our kids are listening, our kids are imitating us and we have more control than we like to admit. 

Pretty soon our school will be launching a "Kindness Campaign", one that focuses on random acts of kindness intended to teach our kids that kindness matters and that being kind to each other can turn our lives around.  This campaign is also aimed at strengthening our kind values, beginning a culture shift and making kindness a core value that should never be overlooked.  I am lucky to be surrounded by so many people who care about this and I hope we can make a big difference in our children's lives and our own. 

Kindness Matters!

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

If you want to "give it", you gotta be willing to "take it"

In this day and age where almost everyone has access to the internet and is connected through some form of social media, it is so easy to have opinions and post them online. Not only do we have an insurmountable amount of content and information, but we also live in a tense political climate where opinions are so polarized it's scary sometimes.  It's easy to hide behind a keyboard, post links to opinion articles or simply reshare passive aggressive memes that may or may not be intended to offend or trigger people who think different than we do. 
When I scroll through my FB feed I get to experience a whole range of emotions that go from contentment, to agreement, to frustration, to pity and sometimes even anger. It sounds dumb to admit that some posts even put me in a bad mood even when they seem to be so insignificant but I'm not one to lie about my feelings, so there.. I said it.. For what it's worth, we live in an era where many of us connect through social media so that's why it matters...
As much as I try to bite my tongue and stay away from politically charged posts, sometimes it's difficult to avoid commenting on things I agree or disagree with. I have friends from all walks of life, some of us are very like minded and some are not but I have always been fine with differing opinions and diverse thinking because that's what keeps things interesting and I'd like to believe that my friends and I value feelings and affection more than our political, social or ideal views. I don't feel the need to prove to anyone the kind of person or friend that I am and I also don't fear losing friends over being myself...or at least I know I shouldn't. 
But this post isn't about politics or how to handle friendships with people on the other side of the fence, this is more about my opinion on the importance of not hiding behind a keyboard and understanding that while posting opinions isn't wrong, people must always know that everything we write has consequences and most likely will elicit a reaction from someone... so if you want to "give it", you gotta be willing to "take it". 
Yesterday, one of my FB "friends" reshared an excerpt from Glenn Close's acceptance speech at the Golden Globes this past Sunday.  The exact excerpt that was shared goes as follows:

"I’m thinking of my mom who really sublimated herself to my father her whole life. And in her 80s she said to me, "I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything."And it was so not right. And I feel like what I've learned from this whole experience is, women, we’re nurturers, that’s what’s expected of us. We have our children, we have our husbands if we're lucky enough, and our partners. But we have to find personal fulfillment. We have to follow our dreams. We have to say, "I can do that, and I should be allowed to do that."

I happened to have watched the award ceremony and heard this very same speech, and while I clearly understand the intention of it (which is great, btw!), I took issue with the fact that she implied that having a family and a successful marriage wasn't "fulfilling". Had she used the term "professional fulfillment", or something along those lines, her speech would have been on point for me, but somehow the fact that she passive aggressively took a jab at women that "sublimate" themselves to their husbands, didn't sit well with me. I personally find that having a happy home life is extremely fulfilling but I also understand that it might not feel like it's "enough" for other women, however I don't feel like Glenn Close needed to put others down in order to validate her feelings...
And so when this "friend" posted the excerpt, I commented on her post with "...because having a family and a successful marriage isn't "fulfilling""....(end of quote).. a few minutes went by and I thought my comment could have come off as "rude" or could easily be misconstrued, so I decided to go back to add to it and explain what I meant (as stated above)... To my surprise (and within minutes of my comment), this person had unfriended me on FB.. (shocker!...not!)... So there it was.. a girl who I had been "friends" with for 10 years (we met through a pregnancy board when we were both pregnant in 2008), a person who I cried with when she lost a baby, who I prayed for when her son has been sick, who I have shared endless photos and stories with through FB for more than a decade, decided that because my comment didn't sit well with her, the easiest way to "dispose" of whatever relationship we had was to click "unfriend". Granted, we were only "cyber friends" but you get the point...  While I wholeheartedly believe that she is free to friend or unfriend whoever she wishes, I find it incredibly childish and intolerant on her part that instead of engaging in some sort of healthy debate or insightful conversation, she just decided to cut me off.  I will admit that I wouldn't have noticed this at all had I not attempted to elaborate on my initial comment, which I planned on doing out of respect for her and for anyone who read my differing opinion.. but oh well...the irony!
But again, this post isn't even about what this girl did or didn't do, but about an illustration of what happens when people hide behind a screen or a keyboard. I am using this incident to demonstrate that those that claim to be the most tolerant and accepting are usually the ones that get easily "butt hurt" when someone doesn't think like they do or simply disagree on a belief.  It happens to me all the time with this blog; I post something and people disagree.. it's ok.. the world doesn't end because of that.. 
I will, however, give credit to all of the people who genuinely stand by what they believe and are mature enough to have friendly debates that get started by a simple meme or a link shared on social media; I value those people more than I can ever say and I appreciate the fact that we share mutual respect and are able to see past our difference in ideals and opinions.  We have deeper friendships because of that and I am glad that we can continue to stimulate each other through intelligent conversations (you all know who you are!)...
So, to the girl that unfriended me because you didn't like my comment on your post "I'm sorry"... "I'm sorry that what I said bothered you so much that you couldn't stand keeping me on your friend list", "I'm sorry that you're looking to surround yourself only with people who think like you", "I'm sorry that a person who doesn't think exactly like you do isn't worth your time", "I'm sorry that whatever relationship we had was dependent on me biting my tongue or giving your post a fake applause", "I'm sorry I didn't agree entirely with Glenn Close's speech" , "I'm sorry that I wasted 10 years thinking that we were connected somehow" but most of all "I'm sorry that our world has come to this...."
People.. own your opinions! Embrace diversity!..keep giving it.... and TAKING it!