Then the pandemic started and everything (and everyone!) turned sour. The "happy mom" in me started to wither away.
It all started with a hate email I received, presumably from someone I went to elementary school with (someone who probably hasn't seen me in over 25 years since my elementary years were in Venezuela). According to this "hater" and apparent stalker, there is an official "Adriana hating club" made up of people that take my pictures off the internet to make fun of me, belittle me, and occasionally wish ill on my children and my marriage, claiming it's all about karma because (according to her) I was a bully in school. The email is probably one of the most horrific things I have read in my life but funnily enough, it only made me feel sorry for whoever wrote it (it was an anonymous sender) because not only was it entirely false but even if whatever she wrote on there was true, what kind of person can harbor so much hate for someone after so long?. First I was shocked, then angry and then a bit amused. But the point of bringing this up isn't to fish for sympathy (believe me, I got over that email pretty quickly!) but to point out the fact that after that email, seeing the "ugly" in people became an everyday thing, feeling disappointed in people became a sort of norm and my eyes were strangely open to the insurmountable amount of hate that others harvest in their heart, sometimes for people they don't even know or will never meet.
With all that has being going on in the world, social media has quickly become a repository of hateful commentary, often disguised as causes with a purpose or respectful disagreements between people who are presumably on friendly terms. It became a toxic addiction for everyone and suddenly even my closest "tribe" turned into keyboard warriors with no regard for anyone's feelings. I realized that getting along with hypocrites is rather easy but standing up to "friends" is the complete opposite. I've had friends comment on how much the internet affects their mood or how watching something on TV turns their day sour; this is upsetting, it's unsettling and I know it won't end any time soon!
I am concerned with our world and not only because of the obvious (we all know what I mean!) but because the root of all those problems is simply the hate that keeps on giving and will keep on giving for as long as we feed it. I don't recognize many people anymore, it's hard to see where people stand and even harder to have hope in a world that progressively fell on its knees and now blames it on a pandemic or tragic events that have uncovered the ugly in us.
I want to go back to the time where I could blog carelessly without fear of offending someone for something, I long for the mundane, I long for the "happy times" that brought everyone together, I want to trust that everyone who is close to me only wishes the best for me as I do for them. I want to be able to get on social media without fear of "bad news" or "bad juju".
I'm tired of fakeness, I'm tired of haters, I'm tired of Debbie downers, I'm tired of people politicizing everything, I'm just tired of the hate...the hate that keeps on giving!