I never imagined my life without you, in all of my existence I never fathomed the idea of you not being there to guide me, to laugh with me, to bless me or to simply have a Scrabble afternoon where we would discuss valid acronyms or two letter words that would skew our game just that much... you were fun, Grandma... you were so awesome to be around and something as simple as holding your hand could comfort me to no end on any given day.
I always looked forward to that time of the day when I could come visit you and sit next to you in your room; whether we were having a trivial conversation about how much I hated my job or a serious discussion about how to raise my daughters, every word that you uttered was full of wisdom and love and that is something I will never forget.
Your hands were soft, so was your hair; I never told you how much I loved hugging you and holding your cold hands....why were your hands cold all the time? I always found that so strange but also so cool about you... you would squeeze my hand tightly every time I went to kiss you good-bye, like you never wanted me to leave... and oh Grandma.. how I wish I could feel that squeeze one more time! I will never forget that last hand squeeze on the day you died; you were so aware of what was happening and I am sure you were terrified but you still managed to tell me how much you loved me and how much you would miss me... oh Grandma.. how painful it is not to have you around, especially on this day...
You would have been 86 today; we would be celebrating and singing a loud "Happy Birthday" song, you would be holding my hand, I would be enjoying you and loving you like I did every single day of my life and we would be eating cake... you loved cake and I loved your sweet tooth... I loved everything about you my dear Grandma!
Today my world feels a little sadder and life is a whole lot emptier but somehow I know that you are celebrating BIG today and all the angels are throwing you the party you deserve. I know you wouldn't like to know that it took so much of me to write this post and that I can barely see what I'm typing because of the tears that fog my eyes, gosh my eyes are literally burning...it hurts so much Grandma!
We will release tons of balloons to the sky today, in your name and in the name of every wonderful moment that we were blessed to spend with you. Please smile for us, Grandma and know that you are ever present in our lives and in every single thing we do.
I love you and miss you forever!
The following are two pictures of my Grandma celebrating her 80th birthday; full of life and love. I am sure the mariachis are playing for her today and her soul is joyful and grateful just like it was in this picture! This day is for you, Grandma! Happy Birthday!